Gift from A B O V E

Sweet, sweet presence I had just encountered the other day. I’ve been blessed with a child in the womb. 

I recently shared with my husband last night the excitement & his face expression was priceless. We’re so overjoyed with the privilege to carry a child. Ever since I had found out, I only desired to bring back the glory to God, for this child ultimately belongs to Him. We were suppose to head to the movies last night after dinner but all we could talk about is our hopes, wishes, & prayers for our sweet blessing from above.

My current reads I am looking into are: 

1. Praying Through your Pregnancy by Jennifer Polimino & Carolyn Warren

2. Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mike

3. On Becoming Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo & Robert Buckman, MD

4. The Christian Mama’s Guide to Having a Baby by Erin MacPherson

Also, I have been Pinterest & google search crazy on ideas about: Baby showers, Baby Nursery Themes, Ways to do Pregnancy Announcement, Maternity Clothes ideas, Safe Exercises, Allowed foods to eat,.. I think I have been overloaded just these past few days with information. 

My husband is currently on road to searching for books that will inspire him to become a Dad after God’s own heart to lead His family & children. He was suppose to be doing work today but his heart is way too overjoyed too. Haha. 

// I will dedicate this 1st journal entry to Baby Emmy (nickname: still choosing names).

Dear Baby Emmy, 

We SO look forward to meeting you. We cannot wait to caress you, to hold you, to hold your hand, to look you into your eyes, etc. Its so dear to our hearts knowing that God is working a tremendous amount of detail on you right now. You are possibly at 4 weeks inside my womb. In Jeremiah 1:5, “I chose you before I formed you in the womb.” Isn’t that beautiful, my darling? God is forming you in my womb right now. According to psalm 139, “Fearfully & wonderfully made,” are you, my darling. You are made in mommy & daddy’s genes but ultimately in the face  & image of our Great Father in heaven. Oh, how that touches my heart so much. I am encouraged knowing that our Great Father is also our Great maker & created in heaven. Our ultimate prayer for you my baby, is that you would come to the grace & knowledge of our God, that your entire being would be filled with the Holy Spirit, to know & live for God alone. However you choose to live your life for God, we trust that your life is in God’s hands.  We love you baby & we are praying for you.  May our great Father in heaven bless & keep you, in Jesus Name. 

Love, 

Mommy & Daddy 

The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing but Him

10 My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. 11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” -Song of Solomon 2:10-13

Good morning my beloved,

I have sought your hand for years & here you are in the midst of my presence. I am in awe of your beauty, your grace, your smile, your laugh, and even your compassionate tears. Please do not be afraid anymore for I am with you now. I will never leave you, nor forsake you. I pray that you will continue to grow in the goodness of our Great God, and that our love for Him toward one another will never fade. Thank you, my beloved, for your love, your care, and your presence.

Yours truly,

                           Your beloved 

______________________________________________________

Current Read: The Pursuit of God By A.Z. Tozer

I love this book so far. It is hard to read but its words when you soak it in deeply, line by line, you see the intimacy the author carries toward the Great author & finisher of our existence. I appreciated the words he writes, the careful told truth in love. He writes about our deceiving hearts that interferes with our soul’s greatest pleasure. Our whole existence & being falls into the existence of our creator. And if we do not recognize that, we are missing out on the greatest joy we could be experiencing in this life, with ourselves, with one another, and most of all with God eternally.

The chapter I had finished reading is called the Blessed of Possessing Nothing  & starts out with the verse from Matthew 5:3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Personally speaking, no matter what I try to do in this life to reach the stars, to possess the most exciting material thing, to possess relationships & build more of them- in the end, it becomes meaningless. Or as Solomon puts it in Ecclesiastes, “meaningless under the sun.” I noticed the more I get older, the more my eyes are more open to the truth of this life, by the grace of God, & recognize that EVERYTHING belongs from Him. Every piece of item I own, the food I eat, my spouse, my family, to my hair on my head is all His.

I look at the children from the third world country & see their smiles on their faces. They sing, play, and rejoice daily. How often do I do that in my own life?

With all the things & people I possess in my life, I realize more that this world disrupts my worship to the one that deserves it all, when I deserve none of this.

Here’s a quote from the book that I highlighted:

We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.” (page 28)

Lastly, I will leave with this highlighted last line of this chapter, “our whole future will be conditioned by the choice we make.” 

How will the future generation remember you? 

 

 

s p i n n i n g in circles

Have you ever felt like life can be a form of a circle? You are encompassing the same circle of flavorful adventures but in different forms of experiences. 

Let me back track. 

The moment I felt like God FINALLY had us in a place of constant, unchanging, livable, & comfortable situation to endure; well, God decides to shake things up a bit & allow our souls to not be settled JUST yet. Yes, its been like a year since my last post, but my goodness, your probably wondering, “WHAT HAPPENED to you?” Do you want the long version or short? I’ll go short since your cup of coffee won’t allow the amount of time for a long version. 

Here is it: 

February 2016. It was exciting, new, thrilling. Friends over, parties held, dinner dates with friends & family. Then Summer came. We problably were in the house 10% of the entire day each day that summer due to the extreme horrible heat coming through the walls with no AC to install anywhere but standing fans & one AC to fit perfectly into our masters bedroom. Fall came. Beautiful, relaxing, fire pits, outside dinners under the stars. December came, then winds, then storms, then rains. Our house slowly was pulling apart from the weather conditions. February 2017 came. Waterfall broke loose from our roof from the extreme rain shower conditions; hence all of our wedding gifts & valuables became no longer of value. How did we feel? We couldn’t help but laugh. It was hysterical. We knew it was coming & our landlord instead decided to take his sweet time to fix our roof before it got to this point. Hence, with all this in mind; we were forced to move out due to the severe & risky health issues we may face if we stayed in that home that contained mold & other chemicals that has lingered in the walls for over 20 years. Pretty scary. We moved out to a hotel, stayed 3 weeks, & now in Ontario where my parents sweetly offered to take us in while we are in transition for a new home. PHEW. 

Back to my circle. Here we are again: feelings of uncomfortablity, unchangable, unsetttling, suffocation, fervent in prayer, holding tighter to one another. I cannot help to think that over the years, God continues to test us, humble us, and mold us to keep us close to Him. More so, I can see how He has been stirring our hearts to be minimalist so that our void is not filled with the contentment of “bigger is better” mentality. And well, maybe God is answering my prayers in this way; answering from a prayer of asking God to keep us close to Him, to mold us into His image, to better us in a way that furthers His kingdom here on earth. 

Is your coffee almost done? It’s time to count our blessings in the midst of this trial.

1. Our parents came to church with us on Christmas Day. Now, we’re living with them. 

2. Our prospective seminar university is 5 minutes away from my parents house.

3. We sold the majority of our needs to save for a new home. The Lord took us out quicker than we imagined.

4. Our parents decided not to charge us rent, so we would save for a new home.

5. This trial has brought my husband & I closer.

6. A new change, a fresh start is always for God’s good & glory. I wonder what next He has in store. 

With that said, here’s to a new season, a new chapter, a continued (seemingly spinning) circle of God’s unimaginable blessings. 

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” – Psalm 91:1-2

open d o o r

February 2, 2016. This day marks the day of new open doors for Mr. & Mrs. E. These new doors open up to new adventures together, a new start, beginning of a continuing chapter, and a love story that is continually being written by God. 

We got a first new home! It is an actual home of 2 bedrooms & 2 baths, with its own carport, huge living space, huge kitchen space, a nice spacious laundry room, & tons of storage space. It is a true blessing from the Lord. We were talking about this evening my experience as a house wife from “having my own kitchen,” “to no cooking,” “to barely cooking,” and “to cooking only with permission”has been quite a journey. Now, I get to cook again. We are so so thankful. 

It is past midnight & we have been getting our kitchen painted pretty sunbeam yellow. We started at 10pm & will be hoping to finish soon in an hour. I, Mrs. E, have recognized the hardworking husband she has by how he tackles our kitchen so gently & with so much caution. This man continues to amaze me. 

I am so exhausted working a 9 hour shift, but God is good. He is giving us the patience, endurance, and strength to live faithfully unto Him even in our darkest hour especially in the trial of not having a home. 

Thank you Lord. May your grace continue to abound in our lives, pierce through our hearts by your word, and free our minds from the bondage of fear & of the temporal earthy things. In Jesus Name.

Overwhelmed by Grace

— > There are many, many days where contentment does not come into my life. The more that I live in this crazy world, the more I am beginning to recognize the truth of contentment. It is more than material gain or momentarily self-pleasure, neither happiness or happily ever afters. It is about holiness

I remembered in my pre-marital with my soon to be Mr, all I ever cared about was MY happiness, OUR happily ever after. Little did I know, contentment was NOT at all happiness. 

Contentment comes from the little graces in our lives that we may consider belittle, probably the majority of our lives. However, the exciting news is… that CONTENTMENT that does not come from within our own strenghts; it comes from ABOVE

Today, I realized more about life than I did in the past 27 years. I had experienced a transformation in my heart towards contentment. 

Let’s go backward.

Last night, from 7pm until 1am in the morning, Mr. & Mrs. had the most heated discussion on finances. They went back & forth to understanding a “balance” of finanacial decisions that worked for both of them & towards finally coming to an agreement of how to manage their finances. It was so unbearable through the discussion for both of them, especially towards midnight.. Amazingly, God was faithful. God was faithful & just to allow us to go through the hardship of the heated & unbearable conversation for both Mr. & Mrs. JUST to sanctify them in God’s truth of the cost of relationships to one another, dying to one another, & the unconditional love that God had for them. It made them whole again, indivually & together as ONE in Christ, being mold to the likeness of Christ, & having a blessed reassurance that God cannot fail, nor could they, because He already won over the principalities of the air.

Illustration: Toliet paper

Mr. obtains at least 4 feets of toliet paper everytime he uses the bathroom. Mrs. obtains at least 2 feet of toliet paper everytime she uses the bathroom. God placed on their lap: the high the expense for toliet paper & how it has been hurting their budget needs. In order to be on the same page regarding the usage of toliet paper, they needed to sit down & discuss details of how important the usage of toliet paper was for each them. It took hours to decide on what works best because both were focused on their own desires. In the moment of a heated decision, God brought upon them grace to rediscover their purpose in marriage. They each were taken off their self-blind-folded desires & saw the light & purpose of their decision. They saw clearly, with a whole new perspective of finding the balance of teaming up on their mutual agreement & conclusion on the usage of toliet paper.

Sometimes, when there are areas in our heart covered with our own perspective, it is difficult to see clearly the graces of God & JOY set out before us, to experience peace & SOLID joy.  CONTENTMENT does not come from within, but deeper than what our souls could handle; it comes from Gods’ mercies &  graces to allow myself to experience JOY, s o l i d JOY in Him in this life.

Thank you Jesus.

Lemonade.

In the early stages of life, a child focuses and experiences life with a carefree spirit and with a seemingly blank slate of innocence. 

Fast Forward… 

Life gives lemons. The cup is half-empty. The grass is greener on the other side. 

— Negative statements of disrupted thoughts that keep one from experiencing REAL JOY. 

Why can not a person except the things they cannot change & accept the things that are right in front of them? Why can not a person focus on keeping the eternal perspective when it provides REAL JOY? 

Let IT go, MRs. E. Let IT go. 

It is NOT about you. This life is NOT about you. It is not about letting God do the work, it is fully surrendering to let Him do the work? How could you let the miracles of God take place if you are in the way? 

26Jesus answered them and said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. 27“Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.” – John 6:26-27

My heart is burdened & in pain of which the things I see in front of me I cannot control. Lord, Thank you for your Truth, the eternal life you have given me, through your promises & truths– help me to seek your face in the face of evil & torment that cause me to sway away from your word, your truth, & to LOOK to your word & promises. In Jesus Name.

Let’s make LEMONADE, shall we? 

the Truth finds me

It has been an amazing journey, knowing that God is omnipresent,omniscient, sovereign over the little details. 

God found me at my knees & lifted me up to a place where I could not reach. A place called, HOPE

HOPE. Where the soul is at peace in its circumstances.

HOPE
. Where the fear meets God in His comforting & loving hands.

HOPE
. Where the heart meets contentment in it’s unbearable pain.

HOPE
. Where the physical body it its weakness meets physical rest.

HOPE
. Where wavering doubts, resentment, and bitterness meets JOY.

Since last night, God spoke to me so clearly in His loving, sincere, compassionate voice: “I am the God of endurance. Lay your worries at my feet & I will take care of you my child. Forgive those that persecute you. Do not let resentment & bitterness rot your body away. Here child, I give you JOY of eternal life, through the blood of my only begotten son Jesus Christ. Open your heart to my REST, my PEACE, and my JOY. I love you.”

I opened my heart to forgive, to recieve, & to trust. I CHOSE to let God in & to let go of my emotions.

the soul gets replaced.

It is January.

I ended my last blog with a question mark on what God would bring in December. Well, he definitely brought something. He brought an expected gift on the kitchen counter: a 30 day notice. 

It was u n b e l i e v a b l e. I could not believe our landlord decided to place this notice on our laps right before christmas. Last December of 2014, my husband lost his job unexpectedly & this year, this month, we would be losing our home unexpectedly. 

It happened so __ FAST. I was devasted. I was crushed, knowing this would be our 4th move before settling into a place we could call “home.” I DISLIKE moving & I use  DISLIKE very strongly. I admit. It is hard for me to accept things I cannot control. 

We are currently in the process of finding a new home. The online searching, the driving, the meetings, the fiancial decision talks, late night hoping, late night praying, late night doubting, late night cries, … continues daily until now. 

… YET, God questions me. What is HOME? What clarifies home? 

[google search] HOME: a place where one lives.

[soul search] HOME. It just struck me. God is defining home to me in ways that stretches me even further. But WHY me? Why not my neighbor who seems to have it ALTOGETHER? WHY me? 

[scripture search] HOME. Philippians 3:20, “For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ;…” My home is with God. He eagerly waits & lovingly mercifully reminds me of my home with Him. ‘Keep your wandering eyes on me, my child.’

Genesis 3:19, “By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are DUST, and to DUST you shall return.” 

I am not to take granted the beauty of eternal gifts such as my citizenship in heaven. He gave it to me freely through the blood of His son Jesus Christ, on the cross: the place in which I should have been placed, yet God gave me favor & adopted me as His child so that I may be able to call Him my Father. I am unworthy; He IS worthy to be praised. 

‘Stop worrying & start living’, says my soul. ‘God IS for you. You cannot fail, whereever you are placed here in this temporary place.’ 

Yet, I keep running away from God, my real home. I keep running towards what I see physically in front of me. PHYSICAL comfort. Why won’t my flesh get it? Why won’t my flesh allow my soul to rest in God’s comfort of peace, joy, & love? WHY? 

— Lord, thank you for keeping me on my knees & finding a blessed assurance in you today. 

the a d v e n t u r e continues

Hello there. 

It has been how many months since I last posted? I guess there is no motivation for posting since I have no readers. I NEED to get into the habit of writing; only because it’s good exercise for the soul! 

With that said, let’s get started on admiring this whole year. I will do my best to pick the main idea of what God had been doing in our lives each month. 

January: God placed on our lap, a husband jobless, feeling hopeless- a wife of fearing the unknown, & being forced to switch to “survive mode.” 

February: God placed around us friends & church family to surround us with the support we needed, especially spiritually. Wife + Husband decides that wife would need to carry two jobs to support our incoming bills. Mr. & Mrs. gets blessed with a huge loan check to pursue my husband’s dream of owning his own agency business. Husband continues to work from home. Wife finds it hard to have space & quiet time with husband always home. Unable to pay rent this month.

March: Creating the business logo. My birthday month. The big 2-7. We did not have much money obviously because everything I had been earning was all going toward paying bills. Mom in law, from out of state, sent me a surprised birthday gift. Wife gets laid off from second job due to unsufficient hours avaliable. Husband continuies to work from home. Unable to pay rent this month.

April: Pivotal point of the business, licensed by state. Found an inexpensive, great location, buisiness building for the office. Able to pay a portion of rent.

May: Mr. & Mrs. pushing through by faith. 

June: Mrs. gets promoted to full-time on call at her job. Mr. & Mrs. decides to leave their first home to move in with friends. Two weeks later, Mrs.’ friend is blessed by a pregnancy & Emerson’s decide it’s best to leave since the baby will need the room eventually. Mr. & Mrs. moves to another friends home by July.

July: Mr. & Mrs. moves in with the Thompson’s. Closest friends of the Emerson’s. Thompson’s ask Emerson’s to be their son’s godparents. Mr.’s sister & family comes to visit. One of the neatest experience was Mr. & Mrs. treating & taking our niece & nephew to the San Diego zoo. Sister in law & Mrs. finally get to have some one on one time, closure is being built. Emeron’s sell old car to purchase a new car for Mrs. new full time job. 

August: Mr.’s birthday month. Thompson’s treat Emerson’s out for Mr.’s birthday.

September: Neutral month for the Emerson’s. Mr. continues to strive working hard. Late nights at the office. Thompson’s decide it is best for the Emerson’s to move on to their next home. Mrs. Thompson missed her privacy. Mr. & Mrs. were hurt they had to move again but joyful for opening up their home.

October: Mr. & Mrs. found a room to rent in the same city. $200 less than primary home. 

November: Mr. & Mrs. first Thanksgiving at Mrs.’ parents’ new home. First turkey made together.

December: To be told…

>>>>> This year has sure flown by. The sweat, tears, aches, joys, laughter, praises,… had all a purpose, a reason for living, a reason for breathing, and a reason to experience faithfulness. 

God was surely in the midst of how He has worked in our lives each month. Sure, it was painful, for I, the Mrs. to see Mr. striving long nights at the office to make ends meet & to sacrifice daily for his family & ultimately, to glorify God in his character. I could say that Mr. has really met the deep end of the tunnel of life, when all he had WORKED for went down the drain by a betrayal. It had been a rough, constant stretching, pushing, & strife of a year. Even now, I could say, God’s faithfulness abided in our lives, even at times of fear, rejection, lonliness, & struggles. God WAS there. 

Most encouraging? God IS HERE. He continues to remain faithful even at this moment we fail to love Him first in our hearts.

To be continued:  

<< DECEMBER: God has blessed our family business with income that my husband has worked so hard for this year. Income that blew our minds, income that could feel our stomachs, income that could consistently pay our bills, pay money owed, income that only we can give back in praise to our Creator. Praise be to God! 

… We are still being stretched in numerous ways. Mrs. continues to support Mr.’s long nights at the office. Mrs. continues to do full-time & has jumped & prayed before God about going back to school. Mr. sees the amazing oppertunities opening up as he continiues to give back in praise to the Lord of all the Lord’s doing in the business.

I am sure I missed a LOT of details that God had been working, but the bigger picture here is that God is working. 

There’s a scripture that reminds me of this: “He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 1:8 (niv)

I am reminded to not keep pushing to be in “survive mode” but to push to live in the moments God places on our laps.  At church we are reminded constantly to be obsessed with giving glory to God. 

Why? We give glory to God in how we choose to live in the moments He places in our laps, not to punish us or forsake us, but by the building of our character, our godliness, our trust, and thirst in Him. So we may experience His love for us & the given freedom of Hope that only lays in eternity.

Thank you Lord.

the H O P E

Paul prays for God’s help: “I pray that the Father of glory enlighten the eyes of your heart, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you.” (Ephesians 1:18).

Wallow, wallow, wallow… When a girl needs to wallow, she has to wallow it out! This week has not been easy to establish “who I am” in God in the current 2nd job that I have. It’s hard to keep strong in a place that is definitely full of darkness. I just need to keep pressing toward the goal of living daily eternally and working unto God. Even when it does or does not work out, I will praise Him. My hope is found in Him.