Overwhelmed by Grace

— > There are many, many days where contentment does not come into my life. The more that I live in this crazy world, the more I am beginning to recognize the truth of contentment. It is more than material gain or momentarily self-pleasure, neither happiness or happily ever afters. It is about holiness

I remembered in my pre-marital with my soon to be Mr, all I ever cared about was MY happiness, OUR happily ever after. Little did I know, contentment was NOT at all happiness. 

Contentment comes from the little graces in our lives that we may consider belittle, probably the majority of our lives. However, the exciting news is… that CONTENTMENT that does not come from within our own strenghts; it comes from ABOVE

Today, I realized more about life than I did in the past 27 years. I had experienced a transformation in my heart towards contentment. 

Let’s go backward.

Last night, from 7pm until 1am in the morning, Mr. & Mrs. had the most heated discussion on finances. They went back & forth to understanding a “balance” of finanacial decisions that worked for both of them & towards finally coming to an agreement of how to manage their finances. It was so unbearable through the discussion for both of them, especially towards midnight.. Amazingly, God was faithful. God was faithful & just to allow us to go through the hardship of the heated & unbearable conversation for both Mr. & Mrs. JUST to sanctify them in God’s truth of the cost of relationships to one another, dying to one another, & the unconditional love that God had for them. It made them whole again, indivually & together as ONE in Christ, being mold to the likeness of Christ, & having a blessed reassurance that God cannot fail, nor could they, because He already won over the principalities of the air.

Illustration: Toliet paper

Mr. obtains at least 4 feets of toliet paper everytime he uses the bathroom. Mrs. obtains at least 2 feet of toliet paper everytime she uses the bathroom. God placed on their lap: the high the expense for toliet paper & how it has been hurting their budget needs. In order to be on the same page regarding the usage of toliet paper, they needed to sit down & discuss details of how important the usage of toliet paper was for each them. It took hours to decide on what works best because both were focused on their own desires. In the moment of a heated decision, God brought upon them grace to rediscover their purpose in marriage. They each were taken off their self-blind-folded desires & saw the light & purpose of their decision. They saw clearly, with a whole new perspective of finding the balance of teaming up on their mutual agreement & conclusion on the usage of toliet paper.

Sometimes, when there are areas in our heart covered with our own perspective, it is difficult to see clearly the graces of God & JOY set out before us, to experience peace & SOLID joy.  CONTENTMENT does not come from within, but deeper than what our souls could handle; it comes from Gods’ mercies &  graces to allow myself to experience JOY, s o l i d JOY in Him in this life.

Thank you Jesus.

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Lemonade.

In the early stages of life, a child focuses and experiences life with a carefree spirit and with a seemingly blank slate of innocence. 

Fast Forward… 

Life gives lemons. The cup is half-empty. The grass is greener on the other side. 

— Negative statements of disrupted thoughts that keep one from experiencing REAL JOY. 

Why can not a person except the things they cannot change & accept the things that are right in front of them? Why can not a person focus on keeping the eternal perspective when it provides REAL JOY? 

Let IT go, MRs. E. Let IT go. 

It is NOT about you. This life is NOT about you. It is not about letting God do the work, it is fully surrendering to let Him do the work? How could you let the miracles of God take place if you are in the way? 

26Jesus answered them and said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. 27“Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.” – John 6:26-27

My heart is burdened & in pain of which the things I see in front of me I cannot control. Lord, Thank you for your Truth, the eternal life you have given me, through your promises & truths– help me to seek your face in the face of evil & torment that cause me to sway away from your word, your truth, & to LOOK to your word & promises. In Jesus Name.

Let’s make LEMONADE, shall we? 

the Truth finds me

It has been an amazing journey, knowing that God is omnipresent,omniscient, sovereign over the little details. 

God found me at my knees & lifted me up to a place where I could not reach. A place called, HOPE

HOPE. Where the soul is at peace in its circumstances.

HOPE
. Where the fear meets God in His comforting & loving hands.

HOPE
. Where the heart meets contentment in it’s unbearable pain.

HOPE
. Where the physical body it its weakness meets physical rest.

HOPE
. Where wavering doubts, resentment, and bitterness meets JOY.

Since last night, God spoke to me so clearly in His loving, sincere, compassionate voice: “I am the God of endurance. Lay your worries at my feet & I will take care of you my child. Forgive those that persecute you. Do not let resentment & bitterness rot your body away. Here child, I give you JOY of eternal life, through the blood of my only begotten son Jesus Christ. Open your heart to my REST, my PEACE, and my JOY. I love you.”

I opened my heart to forgive, to recieve, & to trust. I CHOSE to let God in & to let go of my emotions.

the soul gets replaced.

It is January.

I ended my last blog with a question mark on what God would bring in December. Well, he definitely brought something. He brought an expected gift on the kitchen counter: a 30 day notice. 

It was u n b e l i e v a b l e. I could not believe our landlord decided to place this notice on our laps right before christmas. Last December of 2014, my husband lost his job unexpectedly & this year, this month, we would be losing our home unexpectedly. 

It happened so __ FAST. I was devasted. I was crushed, knowing this would be our 4th move before settling into a place we could call “home.” I DISLIKE moving & I use  DISLIKE very strongly. I admit. It is hard for me to accept things I cannot control. 

We are currently in the process of finding a new home. The online searching, the driving, the meetings, the fiancial decision talks, late night hoping, late night praying, late night doubting, late night cries, … continues daily until now. 

… YET, God questions me. What is HOME? What clarifies home? 

[google search] HOME: a place where one lives.

[soul search] HOME. It just struck me. God is defining home to me in ways that stretches me even further. But WHY me? Why not my neighbor who seems to have it ALTOGETHER? WHY me? 

[scripture search] HOME. Philippians 3:20, “For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ;…” My home is with God. He eagerly waits & lovingly mercifully reminds me of my home with Him. ‘Keep your wandering eyes on me, my child.’

Genesis 3:19, “By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are DUST, and to DUST you shall return.” 

I am not to take granted the beauty of eternal gifts such as my citizenship in heaven. He gave it to me freely through the blood of His son Jesus Christ, on the cross: the place in which I should have been placed, yet God gave me favor & adopted me as His child so that I may be able to call Him my Father. I am unworthy; He IS worthy to be praised. 

‘Stop worrying & start living’, says my soul. ‘God IS for you. You cannot fail, whereever you are placed here in this temporary place.’ 

Yet, I keep running away from God, my real home. I keep running towards what I see physically in front of me. PHYSICAL comfort. Why won’t my flesh get it? Why won’t my flesh allow my soul to rest in God’s comfort of peace, joy, & love? WHY? 

— Lord, thank you for keeping me on my knees & finding a blessed assurance in you today.