The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing but Him

10 My beloved spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me. 11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” -Song of Solomon 2:10-13

Good morning my beloved,

I have sought your hand for years & here you are in the midst of my presence. I am in awe of your beauty, your grace, your smile, your laugh, and even your compassionate tears. Please do not be afraid anymore for I am with you now. I will never leave you, nor forsake you. I pray that you will continue to grow in the goodness of our Great God, and that our love for Him toward one another will never fade. Thank you, my beloved, for your love, your care, and your presence.

Yours truly,

                           Your beloved 

______________________________________________________

Current Read: The Pursuit of God By A.Z. Tozer

I love this book so far. It is hard to read but its words when you soak it in deeply, line by line, you see the intimacy the author carries toward the Great author & finisher of our existence. I appreciated the words he writes, the careful told truth in love. He writes about our deceiving hearts that interferes with our soul’s greatest pleasure. Our whole existence & being falls into the existence of our creator. And if we do not recognize that, we are missing out on the greatest joy we could be experiencing in this life, with ourselves, with one another, and most of all with God eternally.

The chapter I had finished reading is called the Blessed of Possessing Nothing  & starts out with the verse from Matthew 5:3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Personally speaking, no matter what I try to do in this life to reach the stars, to possess the most exciting material thing, to possess relationships & build more of them- in the end, it becomes meaningless. Or as Solomon puts it in Ecclesiastes, “meaningless under the sun.” I noticed the more I get older, the more my eyes are more open to the truth of this life, by the grace of God, & recognize that EVERYTHING belongs from Him. Every piece of item I own, the food I eat, my spouse, my family, to my hair on my head is all His.

I look at the children from the third world country & see their smiles on their faces. They sing, play, and rejoice daily. How often do I do that in my own life?

With all the things & people I possess in my life, I realize more that this world disrupts my worship to the one that deserves it all, when I deserve none of this.

Here’s a quote from the book that I highlighted:

We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.” (page 28)

Lastly, I will leave with this highlighted last line of this chapter, “our whole future will be conditioned by the choice we make.” 

How will the future generation remember you? 

 

 

s p i n n i n g in circles

Have you ever felt like life can be a form of a circle? You are encompassing the same circle of flavorful adventures but in different forms of experiences. 

Let me back track. 

The moment I felt like God FINALLY had us in a place of constant, unchanging, livable, & comfortable situation to endure; well, God decides to shake things up a bit & allow our souls to not be settled JUST yet. Yes, its been like a year since my last post, but my goodness, your probably wondering, “WHAT HAPPENED to you?” Do you want the long version or short? I’ll go short since your cup of coffee won’t allow the amount of time for a long version. 

Here is it: 

February 2016. It was exciting, new, thrilling. Friends over, parties held, dinner dates with friends & family. Then Summer came. We problably were in the house 10% of the entire day each day that summer due to the extreme horrible heat coming through the walls with no AC to install anywhere but standing fans & one AC to fit perfectly into our masters bedroom. Fall came. Beautiful, relaxing, fire pits, outside dinners under the stars. December came, then winds, then storms, then rains. Our house slowly was pulling apart from the weather conditions. February 2017 came. Waterfall broke loose from our roof from the extreme rain shower conditions; hence all of our wedding gifts & valuables became no longer of value. How did we feel? We couldn’t help but laugh. It was hysterical. We knew it was coming & our landlord instead decided to take his sweet time to fix our roof before it got to this point. Hence, with all this in mind; we were forced to move out due to the severe & risky health issues we may face if we stayed in that home that contained mold & other chemicals that has lingered in the walls for over 20 years. Pretty scary. We moved out to a hotel, stayed 3 weeks, & now in Ontario where my parents sweetly offered to take us in while we are in transition for a new home. PHEW. 

Back to my circle. Here we are again: feelings of uncomfortablity, unchangable, unsetttling, suffocation, fervent in prayer, holding tighter to one another. I cannot help to think that over the years, God continues to test us, humble us, and mold us to keep us close to Him. More so, I can see how He has been stirring our hearts to be minimalist so that our void is not filled with the contentment of “bigger is better” mentality. And well, maybe God is answering my prayers in this way; answering from a prayer of asking God to keep us close to Him, to mold us into His image, to better us in a way that furthers His kingdom here on earth. 

Is your coffee almost done? It’s time to count our blessings in the midst of this trial.

1. Our parents came to church with us on Christmas Day. Now, we’re living with them. 

2. Our prospective seminar university is 5 minutes away from my parents house.

3. We sold the majority of our needs to save for a new home. The Lord took us out quicker than we imagined.

4. Our parents decided not to charge us rent, so we would save for a new home.

5. This trial has brought my husband & I closer.

6. A new change, a fresh start is always for God’s good & glory. I wonder what next He has in store. 

With that said, here’s to a new season, a new chapter, a continued (seemingly spinning) circle of God’s unimaginable blessings. 

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” – Psalm 91:1-2

open d o o r

February 2, 2016. This day marks the day of new open doors for Mr. & Mrs. E. These new doors open up to new adventures together, a new start, beginning of a continuing chapter, and a love story that is continually being written by God. 

We got a first new home! It is an actual home of 2 bedrooms & 2 baths, with its own carport, huge living space, huge kitchen space, a nice spacious laundry room, & tons of storage space. It is a true blessing from the Lord. We were talking about this evening my experience as a house wife from “having my own kitchen,” “to no cooking,” “to barely cooking,” and “to cooking only with permission”has been quite a journey. Now, I get to cook again. We are so so thankful. 

It is past midnight & we have been getting our kitchen painted pretty sunbeam yellow. We started at 10pm & will be hoping to finish soon in an hour. I, Mrs. E, have recognized the hardworking husband she has by how he tackles our kitchen so gently & with so much caution. This man continues to amaze me. 

I am so exhausted working a 9 hour shift, but God is good. He is giving us the patience, endurance, and strength to live faithfully unto Him even in our darkest hour especially in the trial of not having a home. 

Thank you Lord. May your grace continue to abound in our lives, pierce through our hearts by your word, and free our minds from the bondage of fear & of the temporal earthy things. In Jesus Name.

Overwhelmed by Grace

— > There are many, many days where contentment does not come into my life. The more that I live in this crazy world, the more I am beginning to recognize the truth of contentment. It is more than material gain or momentarily self-pleasure, neither happiness or happily ever afters. It is about holiness

I remembered in my pre-marital with my soon to be Mr, all I ever cared about was MY happiness, OUR happily ever after. Little did I know, contentment was NOT at all happiness. 

Contentment comes from the little graces in our lives that we may consider belittle, probably the majority of our lives. However, the exciting news is… that CONTENTMENT that does not come from within our own strenghts; it comes from ABOVE

Today, I realized more about life than I did in the past 27 years. I had experienced a transformation in my heart towards contentment. 

Let’s go backward.

Last night, from 7pm until 1am in the morning, Mr. & Mrs. had the most heated discussion on finances. They went back & forth to understanding a “balance” of finanacial decisions that worked for both of them & towards finally coming to an agreement of how to manage their finances. It was so unbearable through the discussion for both of them, especially towards midnight.. Amazingly, God was faithful. God was faithful & just to allow us to go through the hardship of the heated & unbearable conversation for both Mr. & Mrs. JUST to sanctify them in God’s truth of the cost of relationships to one another, dying to one another, & the unconditional love that God had for them. It made them whole again, indivually & together as ONE in Christ, being mold to the likeness of Christ, & having a blessed reassurance that God cannot fail, nor could they, because He already won over the principalities of the air.

Illustration: Toliet paper

Mr. obtains at least 4 feets of toliet paper everytime he uses the bathroom. Mrs. obtains at least 2 feet of toliet paper everytime she uses the bathroom. God placed on their lap: the high the expense for toliet paper & how it has been hurting their budget needs. In order to be on the same page regarding the usage of toliet paper, they needed to sit down & discuss details of how important the usage of toliet paper was for each them. It took hours to decide on what works best because both were focused on their own desires. In the moment of a heated decision, God brought upon them grace to rediscover their purpose in marriage. They each were taken off their self-blind-folded desires & saw the light & purpose of their decision. They saw clearly, with a whole new perspective of finding the balance of teaming up on their mutual agreement & conclusion on the usage of toliet paper.

Sometimes, when there are areas in our heart covered with our own perspective, it is difficult to see clearly the graces of God & JOY set out before us, to experience peace & SOLID joy.  CONTENTMENT does not come from within, but deeper than what our souls could handle; it comes from Gods’ mercies &  graces to allow myself to experience JOY, s o l i d JOY in Him in this life.

Thank you Jesus.

Lemonade.

In the early stages of life, a child focuses and experiences life with a carefree spirit and with a seemingly blank slate of innocence. 

Fast Forward… 

Life gives lemons. The cup is half-empty. The grass is greener on the other side. 

— Negative statements of disrupted thoughts that keep one from experiencing REAL JOY. 

Why can not a person except the things they cannot change & accept the things that are right in front of them? Why can not a person focus on keeping the eternal perspective when it provides REAL JOY? 

Let IT go, MRs. E. Let IT go. 

It is NOT about you. This life is NOT about you. It is not about letting God do the work, it is fully surrendering to let Him do the work? How could you let the miracles of God take place if you are in the way? 

26Jesus answered them and said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you seek Me, not because you saw signs, but because you ate of the loaves and were filled. 27“Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.” – John 6:26-27

My heart is burdened & in pain of which the things I see in front of me I cannot control. Lord, Thank you for your Truth, the eternal life you have given me, through your promises & truths– help me to seek your face in the face of evil & torment that cause me to sway away from your word, your truth, & to LOOK to your word & promises. In Jesus Name.

Let’s make LEMONADE, shall we? 

the Truth finds me

It has been an amazing journey, knowing that God is omnipresent,omniscient, sovereign over the little details. 

God found me at my knees & lifted me up to a place where I could not reach. A place called, HOPE

HOPE. Where the soul is at peace in its circumstances.

HOPE
. Where the fear meets God in His comforting & loving hands.

HOPE
. Where the heart meets contentment in it’s unbearable pain.

HOPE
. Where the physical body it its weakness meets physical rest.

HOPE
. Where wavering doubts, resentment, and bitterness meets JOY.

Since last night, God spoke to me so clearly in His loving, sincere, compassionate voice: “I am the God of endurance. Lay your worries at my feet & I will take care of you my child. Forgive those that persecute you. Do not let resentment & bitterness rot your body away. Here child, I give you JOY of eternal life, through the blood of my only begotten son Jesus Christ. Open your heart to my REST, my PEACE, and my JOY. I love you.”

I opened my heart to forgive, to recieve, & to trust. I CHOSE to let God in & to let go of my emotions.

the soul gets replaced.

It is January.

I ended my last blog with a question mark on what God would bring in December. Well, he definitely brought something. He brought an expected gift on the kitchen counter: a 30 day notice. 

It was u n b e l i e v a b l e. I could not believe our landlord decided to place this notice on our laps right before christmas. Last December of 2014, my husband lost his job unexpectedly & this year, this month, we would be losing our home unexpectedly. 

It happened so __ FAST. I was devasted. I was crushed, knowing this would be our 4th move before settling into a place we could call “home.” I DISLIKE moving & I use  DISLIKE very strongly. I admit. It is hard for me to accept things I cannot control. 

We are currently in the process of finding a new home. The online searching, the driving, the meetings, the fiancial decision talks, late night hoping, late night praying, late night doubting, late night cries, … continues daily until now. 

… YET, God questions me. What is HOME? What clarifies home? 

[google search] HOME: a place where one lives.

[soul search] HOME. It just struck me. God is defining home to me in ways that stretches me even further. But WHY me? Why not my neighbor who seems to have it ALTOGETHER? WHY me? 

[scripture search] HOME. Philippians 3:20, “For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ;…” My home is with God. He eagerly waits & lovingly mercifully reminds me of my home with Him. ‘Keep your wandering eyes on me, my child.’

Genesis 3:19, “By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are DUST, and to DUST you shall return.” 

I am not to take granted the beauty of eternal gifts such as my citizenship in heaven. He gave it to me freely through the blood of His son Jesus Christ, on the cross: the place in which I should have been placed, yet God gave me favor & adopted me as His child so that I may be able to call Him my Father. I am unworthy; He IS worthy to be praised. 

‘Stop worrying & start living’, says my soul. ‘God IS for you. You cannot fail, whereever you are placed here in this temporary place.’ 

Yet, I keep running away from God, my real home. I keep running towards what I see physically in front of me. PHYSICAL comfort. Why won’t my flesh get it? Why won’t my flesh allow my soul to rest in God’s comfort of peace, joy, & love? WHY? 

— Lord, thank you for keeping me on my knees & finding a blessed assurance in you today. 

the UNWHOLLY substance

Its currently 3am.

The Mr. J had a friend [ryyo] over tonight for counsel, guidance, and encouragement. Ryro’s friendship was definitely needed tonight for my husband. It encouraged me to see the work that God had been doing through Ryro to Mr. J. Then to m e. 

8 hours ago: I made chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin cookies, peanut butter cookies, and french lemon macarons. Insane?  I guess I had a baking craving… no! I had decided tonight would have been the perfect night to hang out with my kitchen aid and bake some neighborly-friendly cookies. I got a lot accomplished! Unfortunately, some did not turn out the way that I had expect them to turn out.

Expectations.

The word expectations hit me tonight. It was the definition for my depression this season. I would love to set my “expectations” aside and be able to just b r e a t h e God’s beauty.

Its difficult to focus on reality that almost feels invinsible; however, what is invinsible? The fact that I can’t see or feel God? THE problem is that I am choosing not to see God- or experience God in and around me. In fact, He is in me right now because His spirit is within me! I know this stuff… but why am I lacking faith?

An hour ago, as my husband gets ready to knock out on the couch after sharing with me his thoughts: Mr. J shared that God can DO the impossible. What seems to be almost unbelievable is God doing the “which I thought was almost impossible.” Therefore, God’s possible IS the impossible. 

God wants us to recognize, feel, acknowledge, and trust in His beauty and goodness of the current season we are currently in. He knew that the every minute, hour, and month of this season… the people He had allowed to surround us with… the storm we are currently in… but beyond the storm, there is THAT rainbow of God’s promise that comes after the storm (which I cannot seem to see right now… but I know its there!).

God cares not about what we type of career we end up with in this life, type of clothing we wear, how much money we have saved, etc.

He cares about our H O L I N E S S!

Straying away from that thought scared me to think that I had the “right” to be upset & depressed and feeling I “deserve” better; when in fact, I DON’T deserve any better. I have all I have in Jesus Christ. His blood that shed for my sins so I would earn His justification, clothe in His righteousness, and be called HIS b e l o v e d

Ohh… God’s love, mercy, & grace overwhelms my heart tonight. 

I need to take this season, one day at a time. Not for anyone but God, knowing this life is not mine to take, but His. I have been missing the “mark” of course 😉 because I’m a sinner saved by grace. I WILL make mistakes but through and by His grace, I am able. .. .able to be filled with His joy, His heart, being made FULL of His love, that I would not fill up toward  being unwholly… but strive towards holiness, for the sake of my sinful heart.

New Year. New Chapter. New me?

I admit. I’m scared. Full of fear. Envy.

          and worse d e p r e s s e d…

It’s 2:30am as I write this first blog. I realized since I’m up- why not start a blog? lets explode my heart & soul on here!

Slight intro_

My names mrs. e. I’m 26 years old. 27 this March. Married (2years & 3 months) to mr. j, who is an amazing man and wonderful husband. (Praise be to God!) We live  in a humble abode that costs next to nothing. We both work. I, a behavioral technician. Him, a businessman striving to own his own business. no kids yet. We accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord & Savior at a somewhat young time of our lives. We love the outdoors, fun or uplifting reads, thrifting, and trying out quality & yummy foods! oh- I forgot sleep. 😉

Forward//

i have total faith that God is good. ALL the time. So why am I scared?

Insecurities? Doubts? … Ok. no good reason.

I HAVE A GOD BIGGER THAN MY THOUGHTS!

I had seen this quote once:

“Don’t tell God how big the storm is, Tell the storm how BIG your God is!”

T h a n k u Lord.

goodnight.